| 4-8-2000 |
Bless you all ,, i cannot
begin to tell you how touched and warmed Mom has been by every one of the
Messages sent to her thru her Message page here at the Gospel Jukebox.
(patchy too) |
| 6-1-2000 |
i just returned to California
from a 3 week visit in Missouri. spending Mother's Day and Mom's 76th Birthday
with her... looking at her face and listening to her voice as much
as i could. |
| 6-9-2000 |
in response to questions from
sooo many:
no, Mom does not have a computer.
much to her chagrin, she has never been able to visit, see my web
site. but
she is kept aware of the songs
added to this Gospel Juke. i play them for her, over the phone. |
| 7-2-2000 |
i continue to thank you for
messages you send to Mom. she looks forward to them. her current
condition is as to be expected...worsening. recently, pain medication
was increased. |
| 8-1-2000 |
tomorrow, for the first
time, Hospice Personnel will be visiting Mom. a recent addition to
medication for nausea an related symptoms .. appears to be helping minutely...
we are hoping that it will continue to do so, even at that small level,
as those symptoms have been disturbing her rest to point of exhaustion.
i think Mom is trying,, in her mind,, to compose a message for me to give
all of you that have written her. it is difficult for her.
of course, if and when she
is able to accomplish that, i will post it here. |
| 9-18-2000 |
Mom, according to her wishes,
remains at home, in her little apartment. Mom's physical discomfort
with the most common of things, such as eating and keeping it down,, is
increasing daily. she needs assistance to get upright, assistance for most
anything you can think of. morphine dosage is increased 'almost' weekly.
as most of you know, Mom and I communicate by telephone and these 'conversations'
have become less n less 'in-depth' and frequently interrupted. a
few days ago, a Hospice nurse communicated to two of my Aunts, she believes
the time has come that someone should 'sit' with her at all times. earlier
this evening, for the first time ever, she was too ill to take my phone
call, even for a few moments.
''Mom,
as your body rapidly weakens, it seems my personal strength is
weakening,
too. tho I am trying so hard to follow your example, I am not as brave
as you.''
|
| 9-22-00 |
12:08
p.m. pst (with a great deal of effort and determination,,Candy dictated
to me via telephone the following message for all of you .. word for word,
no editing)
to my
friends in Christian Love,
how
can i ever thank you and express to you the comfort and support your email
printouts have given me. coming
from
all parts of this country and the world, they each give me a measure of
joy and comfort and understanding and
strength,
especially when it seems like strength, some days, is so very weak.
i'm sure all the prayers and Christain
love
is helping me take another step ....for another day. never doubt,
each and every one of you .. your prayers
have
helped me. i'll go knowing that somewhere, some place in this world,
there is a prayer going up to God for
me,
from one of you. i now am having extra pain and extra decisions
to make about things getting worse
and
decisions about my care. it is more difficult than i ever could have imagined.
from your emails, i know many
of you
understand the painful process of these decisions and this disease.
so forgive me for the words and feelings
i have
for all of you in my heart, still unsaid. i want to say here, that i am
so fortunate to have my loving family to lean
on and
i wonder how i could ever be blessed with such a wonderful daughter, as
my girl patchy. to read your many expressions of love and praise
for her as a person and for her work at her web site, make my heart sing.
until
later, love in God and all together,
from
the one you all know as patchy's Mom.... i send you my love and gratitude,
Candy |
| 9-27-2000 |
today .... many tears ...
today Mom had to leave behind her home .. her apartment.... everything
except the items she would be able to take and have in her room at the
Hospice Nursing Home. in my very brief conversation with her, just
a couple of hours before she was taken to the Hospice, she said to me,
''ohhhhh Patty, I love you soooo much and I have told you so many times
not to give up .. and I tried so hard not to give up because that is what
I always tell you and your brother!'' in something of a numb daze
..i asked her to believe she was not ''giving up'' .. in any way, but more
like .. ''letting go'' .. ''turning things over'' .. ''lessening a load''
and other things i do not recall now. today .. i heard faint traces
of Fear in her voice. after i hung up the phone, i said a tiny prayer
out loud, and then realized i also heard Fear in mine.
i believe she fears the pain
and losing control in darkness. right now, i fear her pain and that
i might be failing her
as i lose her. |
| 10-9-2000 |
in spite of morphine and other
medications, her nausea and pain are almost non-stop,, along with other
major, uncomfortable, symptoms of this disease that have now set in and
stay with her. telephone communications between
Mom and i have been near impossible
for several days now. i was informed last night there are some signs
of impending kidney failure. strange, the tears i thought i had already
cried, seemed to have returned in full force. |
| 10-10-2000 |
i will be leaving for Missouri
as soon as is physically possible (in the next day or so) and will be there
for a currently unknown, length of time. if my Mom should pass
to the other side before i leave access to my computer, i will try my best
to post it here, to let you all know.... otherwise, i will add to this
journal upon my return.
p.s. how can i ever thank all
of you, from around the world, who have touched my Mom's last months of
life, warming her heart, making her feel special, comforting her, sending
her your Prayers, stories and good thoughts ... all thru your Messages.
i cannot think of adequate words. |
| 12-4-2000 |
1:30
p.m. pst approx two hours ago ... I arrived home from my 48
day stay in Missouri. I arrived in Missouri on October 14th ... which
enabled me to spend many hours at her bedside during her last weeks.
she knew me when I arrived and was able to give me a smile and big hug.
within a matter of days after my arrival she was in a random comatose,
yet uncomfortable condition most of the time. occasionally, there
were brief times when she spoke with her eyes and with a touch of her hand.
Mom
passed from this world on Sat Nov 11 at 11:25 a.m.
at her
bedside were four of her seven sisters ... and patchy.
b
May 1924 - d Nov 2000
|
''our
love and memories will be evergreen''
'Mom,
'Fly, fly upon the wings of Heaven's Love....You've escaped your sorrow
and the pain, you Fly again''
|
