I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde.   Dolly Parton You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.  Erica Jong
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. Helen Hayes (age 73) I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. Janette Barber
Whatever women must do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Char Whitton My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.   Erma Bombeck
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss ... and they called ME slow!   Kathy Buckley I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I  don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.   Rita Rudner
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.   Rhonda Hansome Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.  Jennifer Unlimited
The phrase 'working mother' is redundant.  J Sellman I think, therefore,  I'm single.  Lizz Winstead
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  Linda Ellerbee Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
Caryn Leschen
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Mary Pearson
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
Gilda Radner
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
Gloria Steinhem
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
Bette Davis
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
Lily Tomlin
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher
Behind every successful woman .. is a basket of dirty laundry.
Sally Forth
Behind every successful woman ... is a substantial
amount of coffee.  Stephanie Piro
Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.  Jan King My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.  We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
Baroness Edith Summerskill
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.  Zsa Zsa Gabor
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.   Gloria Steinhem If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.  Catherine Aird
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Elayne Boosler I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Jennifer Unlimited
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing  them.
Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.   Roseanne Barr
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.   Laurie Kuslansky A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.   Carrie Snow

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